All I want for Xmas is a “House Husband”

brought to you by 2chix 1blog, Written by JenniFDB

House husbands – one small step for man, one giant leap for woman kind!

Hate is such a strong word

But most often it’s the right one… don’t you hate uppity men that think something is wrong with making breakfast and taking care of the chitlen. Women, stand up, put on your big girl panties and armored bras, its time we train these man-hoes right.

But first, it starts where it all begins: sex

Dear 2010,

Is there really still a double standard? I know the answer is yes, but the why..confuses me.

Let’s rewind to 50 years ago where working was optional for a woman and it was man’s duty and honor to take care of his wife and the household. Did he want to? I’m pretty sure he didn’t but he did anyway, cuz great grandma was a bawse, and would have knocked his silly ass out with the rolling pin. Men as providers expected good docile madonna-like (talking about god’s baby mama, not the rioded-up spandex wearing singer) house-wives. But (and a big one) that time is now bottled shut in someone’s retro fridge. Chivalry is dying. The end.

So let’s fast-forward to the present. As modern women, we are expected to provide for ourselves, meet our partners 50 – 50 financially, raise the children, make sure the chicken is crispy and finger licking good, (if you’re latina, the plantanos best be golden) be a professional in the workplace, a stripper in the bedroom and still emotionally take care of our men. Single parent families and divorce rates are at an all time high, and I’m supposed to be a superwoman for what – a piece of stale peen that’s been pawed over more times than a pair of half-price payless shoes?

So this modern independent woman just can’t help but to wonder- where the hell are our house husbands? We are making just as much and in a lot of cases more then our men. If mama is bringing home the bacon, you better damn well fry it up, brah. If he is going to be home on his day off, watching porn all day, he better dust the whole living room first.

Besides the lack of good quality house husbands, I really cant understand, how even now when you got to buy your own damn drink at club and Doc Johnson’s hot pink rabbit is a girls’ new best friend; we still can’t do what we want with our vaginas or we get labeled a no frills walmart-style whore? Maaaaannnnn please.

Truth is: most men are sluts and they don’t deny it so it’s about time we started treating them as such. Fact: the more sexual partners a man has, the more he is exalted, even if he’s not exalted, he’s certainly not punished. My practice in the art of war and bitchcraft has taught me how to see both sides of the chess table. Understand there is a definite difference between a woman who owns her sexuality and one that lets others dictate the value of her sex. There is a difference between a woman who wants to indulge in occasional extracurricular adult activities and a woman who screws for a gucci bag.

Music and pop culture aggrandize video hoes and d-list celebrities and their lame sex tapes (though I strangely enjoyed Parasite Hilton’s innovative night vision cock-fiesta). Every week there is a new video with some singer/rapper is bragging about the beautiful women with asses that could put the light clapper out of business. Both rely on each other for status and yet a woman because of her gender always ends up as a bottom feeder. Presidents can get their bald eagle spit polished in the oval office and a woman still must hide her sexuality if her brain is to be recognized; can’t I have it both like two in one shampoo + conditioner?

Are we forgetting the lessons learned from the discovery channel? Other than stay the f*ck away from snow leopards, nothing is too over the top for the birds of paradise. For a female to be courted a male must first impress her by various embarrassing means or he risks her flying away and getting another mate, who’s willing to put more effort into it.

So ladies, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re putting in 70% and homeboy is pulling 30%, feck a double standard. Put down the vacuum, harden your hearts, gird your lions, look him in the eye and say, “betch go make me an egg sandwich, and it better have cheese on it!”

And for the record ladies, men love doing house work. Can’t you just see the look of self-satisfaction written all over this guy’s face?

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