brought to you by 2chix 1blog, written by JenniFDB
(also known as, “i will cut you trick! syndrome” )
for many, ending a friendship can be harder than a romantic breakup. research shows there might be several reasons for this:
- you’re friends know all your business, even your dirty laundry to make an abrupt break
- you have too many mutual friends for it to be a clean break.
- they owe you money/clothes/some sentimental item
- you’re sleeping with their boyfriend and don’t want to stop
whatever your reason (s) here are some petty yet fabulous ways to put some distance between you and your former bud without a lot of conflict.
1) porn – either you steal theirs or plant a large volume of yours at their house where their mother, girlfriends, co-workers could see it and judge them. trust me, porn is a serious business and has been the the demise of many friendships.
2:) drugs – very similar to number 1. If you smoke, snort, huff, inhale, inject all of your friends drugs chances are they wont want to talk to you again. side effects include: possible beat down or overdose.
3) intervention – stage a faux intervention for your sober friend. either two things will happen. a) they stop speaking to you or b) they believe they have a problem and head off to rehab. *dust hands* really, it’s a win-win.
4) money – it might be the root of all evil, but it’s still the quickest way of getting someone out of your life. it’s almost like a magic trick: loan your toxic friend 50 bucks and then demand it back in 3 days, see how fast that person disappears. viola’
5) religion – the only 100% fool-proof way to make people naturally excuse themselves out of your life with minimum back lash. start tweeting /updating your facebook with heart warming statuses like : “i’ve decided to stop drinking, smoking, and partying to dedicate my life and genitals to jesus/allah/hannah montana/hare krishna”. next time you go out for a drink with your friend, be sure to bring a jehovah’s witness pamphlet, incense and water gun filled with holy oil to smite the wickedness out of everyone around you. yes it might me awkward but who can argue with god?
*you’re probably wondering why i left out the ultimate scapegoat to help ditch a failing friendship, aren’t you? sure awkward sex can be an easy and sure-fire excuse not to see someone again. but other than a strategic and awkwardly placed kiss, i do not recommend that you sleep with them. that’s because i am card holder advocate against bad sex. bad sex affects millions of innocent people a year, don’t let it happen to you.
now if you’re ready to hear some mature and fabulous advice for when friends turn to enemies, tune into 2chix 1mic on tuesday (11/9) at 9pm on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/2chix1mic .